i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
