I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
