Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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