so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
