im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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