i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my poor anus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
