I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
