god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
