Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
