My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
