i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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