I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
