is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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