I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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