i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
