This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
