come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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