All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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