I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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