could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
