Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
