Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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