There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
