The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
