I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
