god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
