ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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