there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize