I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
