I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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