Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
