I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
