someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
