Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
