So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
