Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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