At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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