I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
