I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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