He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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