69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
