I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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