we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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