there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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