I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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