I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
