haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize