She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
