I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
