I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
