And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
