saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
