need another drink. this is the easiest way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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