She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
