I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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