Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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