That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
