Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
