All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
