The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
