they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
