Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
