This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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