forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
