It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
