will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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